While I'm Alive

I don't need people who will cry for me when I am dead

I need people who will love me while I am alive

I don't need people who will pretend they cared about me after I'm dead

I need people who will actually show up for me while I'm alive

I don't need people who will share sweet stories after I'm dead

I need people who will laugh and cry with me while I'm alive

In death we remember the smiles, the joy someone brought us, yet in life we rarely tell those people how they made us feel good.

In life we remember the pain, the hurt and the sadness someone caused, yet we rarely tell people how they made us feel bad.

No communication, no explanation and a self absorbed view of "not owing anyone anything".

But we do owe people. We owe people open communication, honesty, kindness, patience, respect, and community care. We owe those we claim to love dedication and commitment.

Instead people ghost you and abandon you when it is convenient for them. They take what they want and leave you behind in a dust of disappointment. People have forgotten how to love one another beyond surface level relationships and it breaks my heart. 

When you really need someone to hold you and tell you it will be okay and that you will never be left behind, they are nowhere to be found. Because people think you wanting reassurance is weakness. But it takes so much strength to even ask for what we need from others.

Then when you are gone, people wonder why? why did it have to happen? why didn't I say this or do that?

Living life in regret is the most painful emotional experience of the human condition.

I don't need to be celebrated after death, i need to be celebrated in life.

I don't need presence after death, I need you while I am alive.

Faiza Anam

(Blog image painting a woman in blue also painted by me)